Reminiscence of my old post

Post dated Monday, January 23, 2006.

This post is about how I deal with my anger and jealousy. I don't know if it's the same now though but this was how I deal with them back then. I've change now. It's been over 2 years since this post.

"Usually when i feel angry i wld try to keep it from escaping from my body. It's not as easy as u think. if u never done it b4, mari aku bagi korg gambaran cmne rasenye klw simpan prasaan marah tu dari terlepas pat org lain.

imagine a very wild beast, a four legged beast. imagine it look similar to a huge lion, with claws and fangs, yellow eyes with slit-like pupils, covered with long course fur. Imagine the beast is reddish in color. now imagine a metal cage, the kind of cage that circus keep thier lions. now the cage will be u and the beast will be u're anger. the beast, who likes to be free, of course didnt want to be put in the cage. but who cares, let's put the beast into the metal cage. The beast is VERY furious right now. the anger itselfs has it's own anger and it is trying to break free of the cage. The cage shook wildly as the beast is trying to escape but the cage still try it's best to keep the beast from escaping and harm other people. the metal cage is strong but sooner or later the beast will break free of the cage by itself. all it has to do is keep it from escaping until The Anger gives up.

That's how i do it, keeping my anger from exploding. you need a will as strong as steel and determination as strong as....err..strong determination. don't let u're emotion gets the best of u, u're mind is in control not u're emotions. all u need to do is remember that u are in control. when u're angry usually the brain will not function properly so the way out is to THINK. yup, use u're brain. make that brain of u're working, send all those electric signals jolting around the brain. Use the brain to think u want to calm down. better still, use u're brain to 'create' a new emotion, Calmness.

So that's more or less how i deal with my anger tho u can just take wuduk evrytime u feel angry.

Now about jealousy. I confess that i have this feeling often, especially when there's sumone that i like. To feel jealous (about love) is good and bad. Married couples are encouraged to have this feeling to show that they care and love for each other. But of cors la, jgn melebih2 pulak cemburu tu. jgn sikit2 nk jealous. istri bobal ngan llk lain sikit je da jealous, tu da mrepek ah tu.

For me, personally i wish to eradicate some of this feeling cos sumhow, if jealousy is tangible (check u're dictionary), then i think i have too many inside my body. unnecessary jealousy. i wish i can just throw those unneeded jealousy away. it's irritating u know. i can't help it. furthermore, jealousy makes me think unnecessary things....AKA سوءالظن. And jealousy is also the reason i started this considerably long post. all those messed up thoughts in my head right now. Damn it.

How have i tried to manage this emotion? well, i havnt. but one thing for sure, jealousy leads to anger, so i can manage anger, InsyaAllah. Just now i tried to do wat i did for my anger management by using my brain to take over the emotion. it works but for awhile tho. cos those messed up thoughts are hard to erase. a few seconds later they would emerge again with a wicked smile on it's face (if they have one) as if trying to say "You'll never get away from me...you can run and hide wherever you want but i can still find you...". When i get jealous, messed up thoughts form in my head and when messed up thoughts form in my head, i came up with messed up conclusions. and when messed up conclusions came up, i do messed up things and when i do that....well, I'm messed up. one thing for certain is that the things that made me jealous is if i think that think that happen is to my disadvantage.

Oh how I wish some part of me is a software that i can just delete and install whenever i want.

That is all for tonight."